Dementia Does Not Take Away One's Need for Love
Last week Justin de Vries blogged on the all too common situation where family members of an incapable person feel frustrated and marginalized while a loved one is being legally cared for by someone they do not like or trust. While reading a recent article in the Globe and Mail by Rebecca Dube, I couldn’t help but see how the feelings of frustration and marginalization can be exacerbated by the complicating circumstance of a loved one striking up new romance.
Ms. Dube notes that it is common for people with various forms of dementia to forget that they are married and to fall in love with another person. The forgotten spouse is usually left either struggling with the new state of affairs or coming to a place of acceptance. The latter may be a difficult thing to accomplish. However, Sandra Day O’Connor, a retired Judge of the U.S. Supreme Court, has done exactly that. Her husband of over 50 years recently moved into a nursing home and, after initially dealing with depression, commenced a relationship with a woman there who, like him, suffers from Alzheimer’s. While Ms. O’Connor reportedly felt relieved that her husband finally was content in his nursing home, others may have a harder time getting over the grief and anger of losing their spouse in this way.
Ms. Dube’s article reminds us of how important it is to recognize that people with dementia still feel emotion and continue to have a need for love and intimacy. The difficulty, particularly for a spouse who is also the legal caregiver of their incapable partner, is not letting the devastation felt in such circumstances get in the way of their decision-making, which must be guided by what is in the best interests of the incapable person.
Have a good day,
Natalia Angelini
